another fashion week reject with part ii.

Part I – the fashinterview

Has fashion changed since you first became involved?

It’s become a little more edgy. A little more off the beaten path.

What do you think about Australian fashion compared to the rest of the world?

I think it’s a bit more tongue in cheek. It’s got something a bit more unique going on. It isn’t conspiring to something that’s the newest trend as opposed to something that is going to compete to be further than the newest trend.

Where do you think trends are going at the moment?

Upward and onward.

Can you talk us through your photgraphic design process?

In what respect?

What do you think about when you’re preparing a shoot?

When I’m preparing a shoot I think, “What applies to me, and what applies to my aesthetic?” and then I think “What model is the most applicable to my style” and then I move on with the stylist, and then I go upward and onward with the direction.

So it’s quite an involved process. You incorporate everyone in the planning.

Indeed.

What’s the best part of fashion week?

The best part of fashion week is spending time with good friends. Irrespective of the bunch of cunts that are around everyone else. Is that ok?

That’s ok. I’m sure you’re allowed to say cunt. And if you’re not we’ll print it on heyweird.

I love my friends but I hate cunts.

That’s my favourite. What have you got on for the rest of the week? Any big plans?

Well tomorrow I’ve got Friedrich Gray. Between now and tomorrow I’m sleeping a lot. Then I’ve got to wake up for him. Then sleep a lot. Then wake up for Dion Lee. Then sleep a lot. Then wake up for Ksubi.

Dion Lee is early right?

It is. It’s an early show. But I believe in it, so it’s good.

Are there any Australian designers that inspire you?

Not really. Other than [label that inverviewee has personal involvement with], not really.

What do you think about [label]? ‘Cause I know that you’re quite involved in that.

I’m personally quite involved. But [label] is part of the Australian culture. It’s a process of becoming.
[friend] Are you being interviewed?
Yes I am.

Um, well what I was going to say is that [label] is a personal project of mine, and I love it because it’s all accepting of the natural elements of Sydney and Australia, and it’s in a process of becoming what Australian fashion is going to be in the future.

So can you see people riding around in space buggies wearing [label]?

Not quite. But I can see people driving around on mopeds in the next six months wearing [label].
And if you’re going to include this in your blog I’m going to be sick.

Yes I am.

Part II – the chillinterview

And she was like “What do you think of Lee Jeans?” and I go, “Well, Lee Jeans are alright, but um, they’re made in China, so [label] jeans are better.”

Aren’t [label] jeans made in Japan?

[friend i] And don’t they rip anyway?
Um, actually [label] jeans are made from non-sweat-shops, like, Japanese high end production.
[frind i] But they rip!
Um, no. That was a sample pair that had been stone-washed.
Well they ripped. And you had to borrow my jeans. Cheap Mondays that had been made in China!
There may or may not have been a pair of jeans that did rip. I was testing out a pair of samples. They ripped from my knee to my crotch.
[friend ii] That’s the kind of jeans you wear MR MUTT!

I know! Can I have them?

I did have someone refer to it that night as the stairway to heaven. I was like, “Shut it down.”

That’s what runs in stockings are.

Well these jeans were an experimental pair. I had a really long tee shirt on over though, so it hid my family jewels.

What do you think of the Cobrasnake?

The trouser snake?
[friend ii] Woooooah don’t get me started.

Don’t get [friend ii] started.

Don’t get “Person B” started.
[friend ii] Don’t get me started on that fat, hairy Jew.

[collective laughter]

Included in the interview…
[friend i] Who are you talking about?
[friend ii] Who do you think I’m talking about?
The trouser snake.
[friend i] What’s that fat, hairy Jew?
[friend ii] There are just so many of them.
Ron Jeremy, Cobrasnake, Whoopi Golberg… She’s got a Jewish name.
[friend ii] She’s also a woman and not that hairy…

I dunno, she’s got those dreadlocks…

Look Person B. She’s hairy. And she wears Comme des Garçons, so she’s practically a male.
[friend ii] Only guys can pull of Comme des Garçons. Except Tavi.
Yes. I agree.
[friend ii] Another question now, please.
This is now a dual interview.
[friend ii]Yes! I might need a photo.

Alright we will. Put your beanie over your face. Can we have a crotch shot?

[friend ii] No, but. I’ll do double stripe.
What are you trying to be, a Givenchy campaign?
[friend ii] No.

Dude, you have your hair in your face in every photo.

Go the conflicting stripes.
[friend ii] They’re gonna know who it is, right?
They’re just going to think Backstreet’s back…

Alright!

[friend ii] No hair! No hair!

Person A, where did you learn to dance so fly?

Oh, you know, I just picked it up off the streets. It’s a hard life, growing up in the streets of Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs. You pick up some street cred along the way. Dance moves included.
[friend ii] And I learnt from him!

When was the last time you embarrassed yourself hideously?

[friend ii] Wednesday.
Every fucken day.
[friend ii] Like, ten seconds ago.

What happened on Wednesday?

[friend ii] You don’t want to know.

Oh, but I do.

Yeah, what happened? When did you embarrass yourself?
[friend ii] Wednesday.
Yes.
[friend ii] Last Wednesday.
What happened?

Did you knock over a whole esky full of beer and ruin countless people’s clothes and valuable possessions not to mention about sixty bottles of beer?

[friend ii] That was you, buddy.
That was interviewee.

Interviewer…

Oh shit.

Way to try and be clever.

Oooh I’m scorned.
[friend ii] Woah! Look at that! Did I tell you about that night?

I was there.

[friend ii] Oh right.
What happened last Wednesday?
[friend ii] Well maybe you didn’t embarrass yourself, but I did. Don’t worry.
I didn’t embarrass myself. Except at a little Chinese bar, heckling the karaoke singers.
[friend ii] Maybe I didn’t. I just got anxious.

Pretty sure you didn’t. That was just me.

[friend ii] No one saw you fall over.

Or say, “Two hundred pizzas just got DAH-MOLASHED.” On the record.

At least you weren’t at a bar at four thirty in the morning, heckling corporate people dancing on tables.

Aww, but you bonded.

Yes, but… They were going “WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP.” They were clearly just cutting loose for their night.

Did you just move away from my leg because I was rubbing you inappropriately?

It’s chafing!

Person B! People might recognise your room!

[friend ii] Look. How many people have been in this room? I’m not that much of a whore, alright?

[portions excluded due to slanderous remarks]

[friend ii] Oh shit, this is being recorded.

Don’t worry I’ll cut out all the shit.

aka. Breaks for white noise and hectic mess.

aka. It will be about, four lines. “portions excluded due to people talking shit.”

[Dolly Parton starts playing]
Do you know what, Person B, with those golden locks, I bet people will think you’re Dolly Parton.

Maybe they will. People love to speculate.

I love Dolly Parton.

[portions excluded due to blatant dolly parton endorsement]

[friend i] What is that? It smells like burning.

[portions excluded due to nonsensical chatter]

This interview is a failure.

I think there will be some golden moments in there.

Do you have any other magical comments to add?

[portion excluded due to unintelligible drivel. something about apc and taft and other personal jokes that wouldn’t make sense to audience due to other portions being excluded]

Person C can give you a lift.
[friend i] Wow I love how you just offer my taxi service like that.

[portion excluded due to discussion of private details such as addresses and cars and such]

[friend ii] Ok I’ll just put my APC shoes on. And my APC hat. And my APC scarf. And my APC stockings.

Hey, guys, can I ask some more questions? Want to pay attention to me?

Woah, it’s still going? Everyone pay attention. Guys, there’s an interview going on.

What’s your favourite position?

Position?

Position.

It’s like a technicolour rainbow. It’s different on different days.

Today? Right now? If [boyfriend] was to walk in, and you were to throw him down, what would you do?

Yeah, blank out name. Maybe… Legs up, in the air, on his or her back.
[friend ii] In a motel!
Sure. Ok, so on his or her back, me holding legs up in the air, like so. [demonstrates position]

Personal note: humps the air.
Person B?

[friend ii] Nooooo! [brother]’s in the room!
Block your ears!
[friend ii] Wow you totally put me on the spot!

That’s the point. You have three seconds to answer or you lose.

Just spit it out.
[friend ii]


What did you say? The fast hog? Is that even a position?

She said reverse hog I think…

[friend ii] I said… I’m not going to tell you now.

Reverse what?

[friend ii] No. Scrap that. Scrap reverse. I don’t have a favourite position. Some kind of handstand variation. I used to be a gymnast you know.

[portions excluded due to comments relating to Person A’s vagina imitation, a photo of which cannot be included]

What’s the most recent pornographic encounter you had?

Bad?

Sure.

The Ksubi show.
[friend ii] Person A’s dancing earlier.
NEXT.

Um… favourite sex toy.

[friend i] The rubber fist.
I’m going to take the moral high ground here and say: “The human mind.”

[portions excluded, once again, due to shit talking]

[friend ii] Are you going to put all of this in here?

Yep.

Every inch?

Sure.

Every. Single. Inch. Of the manhood.

It’s all the way in.

[portions excluded, once again, due to dolly parton]

If you could have any fetish what would it be?

[friend ii] Eminem? I’m putting Eminem on. I know all the words.

Eminem’s not a fetish. You could say white gangsters, but not just one person.

[friend ii] Old men.

How old? Like ninety?

[friend ii] Not that old.
As far as fetishes go you could get really weird…
[friend ii] Club feet!
Ewwwww! I choose tinea. Nothing gets me off like tinea. It’s like a foot fetish, just to the extreme.

You still need to choose one.

[friend ii] I just want to sing along.

[portions excluded to to copyright infringement]

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