man, i did something really bad the other day.

Part I

So how much have you won and how much have you lost so far tonight.

I’ve lost two bucks.

Have you ever won anything else aside from $200 on the pokies?

[silence]

Ok I’ll answer that one. Yes he has. I know he has.

[wins credit on the pokies machine] Yeah! Fuck yeah. Oh. A thousand bucks at a poker game.

Were they decent players though?

Some of them were alright. Some were my mates. Nah they were pretty shit. I just fucking scared them. Scared the shit out of them. They had no fucking clue. [to machine] What? That was red you piece of shit.

[long pause]

Nup. I just lost fucking three bucks. I’m over this. I’ve got no luck tonight.

That’s good though. That’s good that you know when to stop.

I don’t have any more money either. I need money for beer.

You going to start asking for money now?

I’d rather be an alcoholic than be a fucking gambling addict. ‘Cause at least you’re getting drunk for your money.

[friend: It’s like people who smoke cigarettes and not weed. Weird.]

I smoke.

What about people who smoke both?

I smoke both.

[friend: Chocolate? I’m being generous]

He’s eaten half the fucking packet. He’s like a little German boy on Christmas morning. Easter Sunday. You fucking fatty.

How long have you been smoking?

Three years.

What do you smoke?

Right now I’m trying to quit, so I smoke Marlboro Silvers which are light as fuck.

Why are you trying to quit?

Because I just quit for three months and now I’m back on them.

[friend: You lasted three months?]

Three months off alcohol, bud and cigarettes.

[friend: Oh yeah, you said you were going to do that but you never actually did.]

I did do that. Fuck you if you didn’t believe me. I did it and I went through this spiritual stage.

Was this when you saw the ghost?

No! You’re fucking crazy. I said I saw the ghost when I was like, eight or nine.

I need you to tell the ghost story again

The ghost story’s gay. I walked into a house. I was with my cousin. I saw a family at different parts of the house. We walked out. And that was it.

Still. That’s pretty fucking freaky.

It was! But it was chilled. Like, the father kept saying weird shit. They were talking.

Were you high?

[friend: No. He was eight.]

No, I was just a bit drunk.

When you were eight

Well I was in Ireland man. Fuck. Give us a break. All my uncles own pubs. You’d know how it was if you were Irish.

Are leprechauns Irish?

Leprechauns are Irish.

[friend: Can you do the voice?]

[in leprechaun voice] Diddle-ee-dee, I’m Irish. Get out o’ me way! Where’s me pot o’ gold? Why’d you fuckin’ hate us you bastards? I’ll knock you with me stick! The fairies stole me girl. Over beyond the rainbow. Those fuckin’ fairies. I’m gonna fuckin’ murder ’em all. Hang ’em from the trees. Chop their children up in pieces.

What made you start smoking again though? Or was it just that the three months were up?

Um… I lost my spiritual high. I realised… Ok, the more you chase something the less you can achieve it. Like, at certain parts of your life you just have to accept what comes on. And like the Buddhists say, “Act like water and flow down the mountain, if there’s a rock in the way go around it.” I was just stuck in this mindset that was just complete bliss. And I couldn’t hold on to it. And I was just freaked out by it because I was scared of going back into a less conscious state. It sounds fucking weird. It sounds so weird. And I know that most people wouldn’t even be close to experiencing that. I mean, it’s fucking intense that I experienced it. It’s the most pure state. They call it enlightenment. A higher consciousness. All your senses are just enhanced.
I got into a fight, while I was going through this stage. And I was defending myself but I really fucked this dude up. He ran at me and I didn’t even know what was happening. I just threw him up against the wall. It was just instinct. And he just dropped to the floor and crumbled. But I didn’t even thing about doing it. It just happened.
And when I was talking to people, thoughts would just flourish in my head. I just saw through all this crap. I had epiphanies. Like Aristotle and Plato had, when they were in this enlightened state. Aristotle would sit outside a temple, all these people watching, caught in a pattern of thought for three days. He would just sit there. Just sit there and think.

Did you write anything down?

I wrote a lot down.

Does that take away from it?

No. Yes. It does. Because you can’t explain it. To put it into words cheapens it. You need to have about six different explanations for this to run simultaneously to get the idea. It’s intense.
I just felt like I was a beam. I wasn’t scared of death at all. It didn’t even come into my mind for a second. I was just so at peace with myself. And I’d get all this attention from people on the street… I’d just start conversations with them and they would tell me that I had such incredible presence as a person. And I’d really appreciate that they said that. It would just build me up more.

Do you feel like you’re different now because of it?

I just feel like I don’t care. I feel like I’ve had an ego death. I don’t find the need to sit here and be like “oh man, I did the coolest thing on the weekend. I’m just so cool.” I’m more interested in just listening and asking the right questions. And finding out more through my words rather than processing around my own fucking ego. Fuck that. I know myself inside and out. I don’t need to talk about myself anymore. It’s just sillyness.
But how I got there was just with fresh fruit and vegetables. Anything killed or anything grown. I was eating steak. I would have a glass of water half an hour before every time I ate. And then I would eat all the vegetables then all the meat. And it was just a perfect way of eating. Perfect balance. It gives you so much energy. Energy that you can put in to healing people. I don’t know how to do that yet. My mate does it. He’s over in the Philippines working with this big company, working as a therapist, actually more of a philosopher, to them. He’s going to bring be over so I can learn.

That’s really great. Did you have anyone help guide you to the state you were in then?

Yeah I did. This guy, Molar. But it was just a matter of coincidence. Like, what happened and who I met at the time.

So it wasn’t like you were trying to get there. It just sort of flowed.

Coincidence, man. Coincidence. I stopped smoking cigarettes and weed just before the HSC (final exams). And then I just kept stopping everything for about three months.

So you were doing it during HSC? Because of your HSC?

Yeah.

Do you think it helped you do better?

For sure. I did so well compared to what I thought I would get. For Art I got a 98.

What school do you go to again?

I go to the National Art School.

Did it go by your HSC result or was it portfolio based?

It was based on everything. You had to write an essay as well, write about your work and what interests you have.

So then everyone who goes there is on a really high level?

Yeah. Like, my best mate, he does pretty similar art to me, but I guess it’s just not as sharp… or he doesn’t have enough… or he doesn’t look experienced enough… there’s something, because he didn’t get in. And I think he’d be dope. He’d be fine going there.

Is it weird coming from high school where you’re top at art, then going somewhere that everyone was top at art?

Not really. I’m different to everyone else. The way I paint and the way I draw is completely different to everyone else. It’s very abstract, very expressive. And I’m happy with that. Everyone’s drawings are so different.

Well you seem like you’ve got a very definite style.

The way I paint and the way I use colour is very different. I just like colour. And I’m good with colour. But everyone else is good with something too. Like this girl in my class – amazing with water colours. They’re so real. She can paint absolutely anything. Perfectly. Or this guy, he does amazing perspective sketches. Spot on. He could just sit in this room and get it down. Everything correct. Scale, depth, everything. And then there’s a great photographer and a sculptor, so we’ve got a good mix of people. And obviously some people aren’t as strong as others. But they’re good enough to get in so what does it even matter?

That’s a good way to look at it.

Haha, and there’s so many girls in our class. We’ve got three guys. It’s so good.

You feel like you’re going to pick up?

Man, All I do is hang around with girls. Other than my two mates in the course. Then we hang out and there’s fifteen girls and three guys. Shit is bound to happen. Think about the odds.

Yeah, while we’re in the gambling room, let’s think about odds of this.

Yep.

Oh yeah man, you’re going to score.

Give it a week or two.

Part II

Yeah, so um, none of that recorded because this phone is a piece of shit. And out of memory. Do you mind if I interview you again? Or are you over it?

Ask me what?

So what do you do?

Ah fuck that.

Ok just tell me where you want to travel to.

I want to go to the Himalayas. I want to go live with the monks. All I’d need is paint and avocados. And I’d paint and meditate and follow the water.

And eat avocados.

And eat avocados.

Would you need anyone else in your life?

No.

Do you think you need people?

No.

Ever?

Ever?

Ever. Like, Ok so you could do that for a year, but there must be a limit. Do you think you could live your whole life in solitude?

Yeah. Sure. Why not. As long as I had everything I wanted.

Oil paints and avocados?

Hahaha.

Have you thought much about solitude before?

Not really. Like, yeah… but no. Think about it. It wouldn’t be that hard man. What do you want to do with your life?

What do you want to do with your life?

I want to eat avocados and paint every day. Nah, I’m doing carpet laying. Going to art school. Have a clothing brand. I already sell t-shirts.

And make a pretty sweet profit.

And make a pretty sweet profit.

What’s on the t-shirts?

Pictures of paint jobs that I’ve done. Characters… Sort of distorted… In spray paint.

I’m really excited to see them.

You will soon.

Fuck I just feel like such a douche asking you all these questions again. That stuff was so gold and I didn’t get any of it.

Why?

You seem much older than you are. You’ve already done so much.

Right. I like to rap too. And DJ.

DJing is something I don’t understand. Can you explain it to me? I just don’t really get what you do. I don’t mean to belittle you at all here…

Basically you mix different beats or you create your own. Like you can get computer programs where you pick every note out. Or you can mix together different parts of different songs…

Right. But that’s real DJing, not like what Lindsay Lohan would do and just pick out the songs for a club…

No. It’s not choosing songs, it’s mixing songs. And changing them, and adding different things to them, and distorting them, and spinning them, and figuring out peaks and lows. Just pretty much having harmony in a song.

[friend: It’s really interesting hearing you.]

What? I’ve talked all my shit to you before.

[friend: I feel so ordinary compared to you.]

We’ve been through totally different things though. What, when did I start going out? When I was twelve? Thirteen? I was on the street, drinking, doing this, smoking, doing that, trying drugs, meeting different people. I’ve been doing that so long. I know Sydney so well. I’ve been everywhere. That’s why I know so many people. I’m sick of it. I need to travel. I need to experience parts of the world that I’ve learnt about and come to admire and fucking cherish. Their teachings, their culture, their food…
I want to learn more. There’s so much gnarly shit out there. You’ve just got to give yourself time to experience it all.

Well what do you do every day?

What I did yesterday, I took the day off and just read this book. The whole book. The whole day. That’s all i did all day. Then half of another book. I just had to do it. I just had to take the day off and read this book. I got it the day before and was just like “Wow. Fuck it, I’m not going to school tomorrow.” Had a joint in the middle of it, then started drinking some wine… But it was a sick day. You wouldn’t think so, but it was fucking awesome.

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One response to “man, i did something really bad the other day.

  1. dang cool info bro.

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