“lash out. i’ll be honest. which is worse than anything i could make up.”


Part I

Any luck with a job yet?

Found a husband last night. This huge black guy who said he’d marry me. Zing

Excellent.

Yep. How are you?

Well not as good as you clearly. I have no big black men after me. But i’m finally in Sydney. And not homeless. Which is kind of rad.

Oh nice! How is it there?

Mmmmmm so good. Warm and happy.

Ah. Amazing. I’m excited to get there.

You’re coming soon right?

Yep. Two weeks.

Know any good place to get tattoos in Sydney?

Innervision on Crown st Surry Hills.

Someone else said that too. Do you have any from there?

Two. Are you getting another?

Yes.

Nice. What are you getting?

You’ll see.

(break)

Do you have time?

Of course. What’s up?

Welllll… I have this blog, and I tried to interview you without your knowledge the other day… but you ask too many questions.

HUH. hahahahaah.

So can i interview you?

God you’re a nutcase. Ok.

Rad

Part II

Describe what you do without saying what it is.

I try and keep bits of people that interest me.

How do you feel about what you do?

You probably just saved me thousands of dollars in therapy with that question. I’m in love with it.

Glad I could be of assistance. Do you prefer children or animals? In general.

Ew. Animals. Less evil.

And to work with?

Animals. Again they’re less evil. And they dont ask questions.

And to eat?
(and i’m going to disregard your hate of questions while i’m questioning you)

Pardon me? Would I rather eat an animal or a child? What kind of blog is this?

Excuse me… I believe I am doing the interviewing here.

Oh goodo. Well in that case, I’d rather eat an animal. Less legal consequences.

Good answer. Also the whole less evil thing…
What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I went surfing on ecstacy, and thought the water was deep so I decided to dive off my board. I was ankle deep. I snapped my finger not my neck. So. All’s well that ends well hey.

Jesus god. Did you cry?

No. I was high. I laughed.

Beautiful. Do you have a high pain threshhold in regular life?

I like pain. But I dont like blood. So yes and no.

Do you think the world will end in 2012?

No. But who cares if it does. We’ll be dead.

Is there anything you haven’t done that you want to before you die?

Plenty. Get disgustingly rich and waste it all on strippers and cocaine with my best friend. And live on an island. Alone. And get my photo with Terry Richardson. I’m painting a really nice picture of myself arent I? Will I be famous after this? Do I get a reality TV show?

Fuck I hope so.

Hahahaha. It can be called Carnival of Idiots.

Do you have any advice for kids hoping to live in New York/do what you do?

Yes. Have some money. And a plan. eg. where to live. The opposite of what I did. 1 month in hostels and a trip to the Bronx which ended in a two day nose bleed. I wouldn’t reccommend.

Life experience probably makes you a much better photographer.

Well… yes. Risking your life, no.

What are you most afraid of?

Sharks. And being bored. Having a lot of domestic appliances. Like irons. Special coat hangers. Those potpury things in your draw.

Ew. One last question. What job would you most like to have on a porn movie set?

Ooh thats hard. Couldn’t be a director because I dont know enough about directing. Or sex really. I’m still a virgin. No joking. Ok maybe I’d be the guy. Greased up. Looking like Fabio in the 80s.

With a strap on?

No a real guy. This question falls under the category of fantasty doesnt it ? Or is this a job interview?

Yeah I was actually looking to hire you for my next porno.

Epic. Well ill be the water boy. Thats my answer. I’ll be 16. And blow my shorts.
You should make me stop talking now.

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One response to ““lash out. i’ll be honest. which is worse than anything i could make up.”

  1. I don’t know who this is, but they sound like the raddest dude/chick ever. I’d quite like to sit on a stoop with him/her and smoke rollies and drink 40’s.. Great blog btw 🙂

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