“you’ve asked before. you said ben’s a cat.” “oh yeah. memory’s gone to shit.”

Part I

Hey.

Hey. Actually reading your weird press blog thing. Quite entertaining.

Nice. Damn though. I was just about to interview you. Can I anyway?

Sure.

Part II

How do you feel about what you do?

Occupation?

Yes. Or otherwise. Whatever comes to mind.

My current occupation is shit but it gives me pocketmoney so I can’t complain.

What’s your lifestyle like these days?

Lazy. A typical day would involve waking at around 3 pm. Go to work for a few hours. Most of my the time where I’m actually fully awake is in the evening so I drink and watch films or read books. Maybe do a little bit of exercise- keep the blood pumping. Get to bed around 3 am. That’s pretty typical. It could be worse. The Gulag for instance.

What is the worst thing you have seen on a film?

Well I can think of many but I was recently watching ‘Idi I smotri’ or ‘Come and See’ and the final scene where the villagers are herded into the building and then burned is pretty fucking crazy. At least emotionally, the first time I watched it I was really fucking high. But actually the real example of sick shit has got be those two Brazilian girls eating shit out of a cup.

For those who don’t know, such as I, what is the Gulag?

The Russian equivalent to a concentration camp. Survival rate was very low.

Do you find your lifestyle enviable?

Possibly, I do have people complain to me that they wish they could sleep as much. But I personally don’t think so. Final words: I dont care.

Nice.

If people envy my lifestyle that is.

Do you think you are special? That was an open question.

Yes. I’m special, you’re special, we’re are all special.

Why do you say that?

Why shouldn’t we be?

Isn’t there a theory that we’re all unique, just like everybody else…..Do you think anybody really cares if anyone else is special?

I don’t think anyone gives a shit. I’d piss on Chris Martin of Coldplay for that reason. What is his kid called again? Fucking Apple? But I think Frank Zappa was special and Dweezil and Moon Unit are Demi-gods.

According to Creationism, man was made in the image of God. If God were an animal what would He be?

Are you asking for my definition of God?

<As an animal.

God wouldn’t be one.

What would He be then? In your opinion.

A metaphysical force.

Fine.

Fine what?

Fine by me.

You want an animal?

Yes.

He’d be a seaslug.

Any reasons in particular?

A big mass of shit that really has no purpose. Well I’m no expert (treehuggers may be up in arms calling me a bigoted speciesist).

One last question. What do you think about men’s hair dye?

Gay.
You knew I would say that.

Fine, I’ll ask another one. If the fate of the world depended on it, would you give your life?

If I had a soundtrack.

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