“and she just said ‘wanna pash?'” “i doubt that i actually used the word pash…”


Part I

How did you learn?

I just started chopping one day.

Were you good from the start? Or did it kind of grow on you?

I don’t know… One time when I was a teenager I was really sick, and I hadn’t been out of the house in a week. so I was really grumpy. But I had long hair and I just cut it off. It seemed to look ok, so it just started from there.

You work in retail right? How’s that?

Fabulous.

Was it busy today? I walked past Selfridges and…

No.

I’m going to go get a drink.

(pause)

Are people shit?

Um… well… yeah… but it’s fine.

What would you recommend?

I’d work in concession. If you’re going to work in a department store.

Would you be a cashier?

What? A cashier? (laughs) No. Unless you work at Big W.

So what are people like?

Well, actually they’re worse in Australia. I used to work at Scanlan. It’s expensive, and the customers just think they can treat you like shit. People here are also a little bit easier with their money as well. Like, in Sydney I did get called a cunt by one lady. A complete stranger. She was a VIP of Scanlan. It was because she couldn’t get a refund on a deposit.

How does it make you feel when people talk to you like that?

It just gave me a real sense of when to shut the fuck up. Because I was just like, “Well, I’m really sorry.” And she goes, “You’re not sorry, you stupid blonde bitch.” And I cried, she was so rude to me that I was crying. And then she says to the other girl “I’m glad that cunt’s crying.”

That’s really nasty. Do you ever want payback? Do you spit on their leggings? Or do you ever go to another expensive store and be like, “Hey, why not think about serving me?”

No! I’m so nice to people in stores because I know what it’s like!

Dammit!

Truly. I don’t think I could ever speak to a shopgirl the way people speak to me sometimes. Over here, in particular, people from really wealthy places are really rude. But most of the time they’re followed by ten body guards and have a servant come up and pay for things. They’ll just say to you, pointing, “This one. This size.” So impatient. But you get over it. It’s a job. It doesn’t really matter.

Is there anything you’d rather be doing here?

Yes.

Yeah I guess it’s not like, “No, Selfridges is my dream!”

No. I studied journalism. But I can’t get any jobs. I’ve got a contact though. I’m working on it. I’ll hook something up.

Part II

What magazine would you want to be working for, ideally?

i-D.

What would you write for them?

Not exclusively fashion. Definitely. Mostly music and arts, I guess. Wow now I feel really put on the spot!

That’s the idea. Do you have any other hobbies?

Sewing.

Sewing what?

Clothing…

Do you want to be a designer?

No. I would’ve liked to have been a designer. But I didn’t think there was a future in it.

Are you self taught?

No, my mum made me go to sewing classes when I was a kid. I was really embarrassed. Like, “I don’t want to know how to sew, it’s so dorky!” But now I’m so glad I can sew.

(boyfriend: she always fixes my clothes.)

Especially because [boyfriend] acts like he can’t even sew on a button. As if you can’t do it.

(boyfriend: yeah when I get drunk and fall down the stairs I get some rips in my clothing…)

I’m pretty much his mum. Actually.

Do you like living in London?

Nup. Well… I do.

Where would you rather live?

I don’t know. No where. New York. But having said that, I’ve never actually been there.

Do you prefer London to Australia?

It’s better than Sydney. I think if I go home I’ll move to Melbourne.

One last question…

Make it rude.

What’s the most hilarious sexual experience you’ve had?

I don’t think I can tell that story.

We don’t put your name to it.

No I don’t think I can physically say it… I might have to get a bit more drunk…

Just an embarrassing story then.

Ok… I’d been away with my boyfriend, and I’d been away with him for a while, so I’d gotten really used to having him next to me. When I’m asleep I’m a big sleeper. I sleep over the top. I like to spoon. And I put my leg over. And sometimes, when I’m asleep, for comfort, I’ll play with his doodle in the night without even knowing that I’m doing it. It’s just something you do you know… So one night when I got back to Sydney I decided to sleep in bed with my mum. I hadn’t seen her in a while and yadda yadda. But I was still in the mind frame that I was sleeping next to my boyfriend – this is way too creepy – and I put my arm over, and I put my leg over, and I was like… where’s the doodle? So I woke up and I was actually feeling up my mum. But she was still asleep. And since then I’ve never been able to sleep in bed with my mum.

That’s beautiful.

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