“all he’s been doing is talking about masturbating on homeless people.” “as you do.”


Part I

You’re working at a cafe, and you’re the master barista, right?

Yeah

But you’re also a graphic designer. Are you doing that on the side?

Yeah, I’ve started getting design work now.

Are you working for a studio?

No, I’ve been doing packaging design. And I’ve been paid to come in and work on this coffee packaging job.

Is it associated with your work?

No. No no no no. Where I work is like this design hub and there’s always these design people coming in. And this is a big packaging design job that they’re doing for a German company. And I’ve been working with them.

Is it a massive team?

Yeah, it’s a big design agency that’s doing it, and they just asked me to come in and work with the team, kind of thing… But I’ve been trying to get into studio stuff. It’s just so fucking hard. But I’ve been barista-ing for like, five years so I love doing it… I don’t mind doing it… I’m just getting a bit sick of it.

Fair enough. Do you hate people who ask for soy milk?

No but we don’t have Bonsoy anymore because of the iodine thing… So I just have to say, “Look, we don’t have Bonsoy. You can have this other one but it’s shit.”

And then do they swear at you and storm out? Because I would.

No… But see, English people… The difference in classes here is quite massive. They’re really conscious of that. English people won’t work in hospitality. They actually refuse to do it.

I’ve noticed that. A lot of the people in hospitality are international, they’re not from here.

So yeah, yeah they can be quite rude. But because we’re so amazing at what we do… (laughs) it’s true, we are the best at everything. So when people come in, if they’re a smart arse, I can just be like, “Right then, off you go.” Then it’s really cool being behind the machine because I get to be the smart arse all the time.

And you don’t actually have to talk to people. Just mutter under your breath.

Yeah, like the other day, this one girl said to me, “Oh, you’re such a grumpy barista.” And I was like “Well fuck you”

(laughs) Yeah, I’ll prove you wrong! Fuck you!

And it fucks my hands up! Look at my hands! I wanted to be a hand model, you know, and now i can’t…

Part II

Where’s your favourite place to travel?

Oh, easily Japan.

Why?

I just think that the culture – the difference in culture – to me, was the most interesting part of Japan. And the people. I thought everyone was really cool and quirky. And also there’s obviously a lot of repression in there that they’re just out-letting in so many different ways, ways that aren’t explored in other places. And it’s just interesting to look at as you move from city to city, how the people are repressed and how they’re breaking out.

Do you think there’s a difference between the places that you love to travel and the places you would want to live?

Well, yeah, of course. The most fun places to travel to are so good because, well I guess it depends on what you want to be doing there, but mostly the best places I’ve travelled have been party centrals. And in the other sense, living somewhere like that isn’t really ideal. But it’s obviously amazing for a small section of time.

And you said earlier that you’re going to choose between New York and Berlin, to spend a few months in. What are you planning to do in that time?

If I go to Berlin I’ll be staying with a few friends that are in a band, so there’ll probably be a lot of… well, actually not a lot going on. Just a lot of… consumption of substances. But if I go to New York I’ll get a cash in hand cafe job. More like what I’m doing here.

One last question…

Can I just say, for the record, that you guys are very sneaky?

Yes you can. Would you rather drink semen or blood?

Ooh… That’s a tough question… No, wait… Blood, obviously. Well would it be my own blood or semen?

It would be a random person. But they’re HIV screened so you’re safe on that front.

Yeah still blood. I like blood.

Blood or tears?

Mmmmm… Tears… Salty…

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