another fashion week reject with part ii.

Part I – the fashinterview

Has fashion changed since you first became involved?

It’s become a little more edgy. A little more off the beaten path.

What do you think about Australian fashion compared to the rest of the world?

I think it’s a bit more tongue in cheek. It’s got something a bit more unique going on. It isn’t conspiring to something that’s the newest trend as opposed to something that is going to compete to be further than the newest trend.

Where do you think trends are going at the moment?

Upward and onward.

Can you talk us through your photgraphic design process?

In what respect?

What do you think about when you’re preparing a shoot?

When I’m preparing a shoot I think, “What applies to me, and what applies to my aesthetic?” and then I think “What model is the most applicable to my style” and then I move on with the stylist, and then I go upward and onward with the direction.

So it’s quite an involved process. You incorporate everyone in the planning.

Indeed.

What’s the best part of fashion week?

The best part of fashion week is spending time with good friends. Irrespective of the bunch of cunts that are around everyone else. Is that ok?

That’s ok. I’m sure you’re allowed to say cunt. And if you’re not we’ll print it on heyweird.

I love my friends but I hate cunts.

That’s my favourite. What have you got on for the rest of the week? Any big plans?

Well tomorrow I’ve got Friedrich Gray. Between now and tomorrow I’m sleeping a lot. Then I’ve got to wake up for him. Then sleep a lot. Then wake up for Dion Lee. Then sleep a lot. Then wake up for Ksubi.

Dion Lee is early right?

It is. It’s an early show. But I believe in it, so it’s good.

Are there any Australian designers that inspire you?

Not really. Other than [label that inverviewee has personal involvement with], not really.

What do you think about [label]? ‘Cause I know that you’re quite involved in that.

I’m personally quite involved. But [label] is part of the Australian culture. It’s a process of becoming.
[friend] Are you being interviewed?
Yes I am.

Um, well what I was going to say is that [label] is a personal project of mine, and I love it because it’s all accepting of the natural elements of Sydney and Australia, and it’s in a process of becoming what Australian fashion is going to be in the future.

So can you see people riding around in space buggies wearing [label]?

Not quite. But I can see people driving around on mopeds in the next six months wearing [label].
And if you’re going to include this in your blog I’m going to be sick.

Yes I am.

Part II – the chillinterview

And she was like “What do you think of Lee Jeans?” and I go, “Well, Lee Jeans are alright, but um, they’re made in China, so [label] jeans are better.”

Aren’t [label] jeans made in Japan?

[friend i] And don’t they rip anyway?
Um, actually [label] jeans are made from non-sweat-shops, like, Japanese high end production.
[frind i] But they rip!
Um, no. That was a sample pair that had been stone-washed.
Well they ripped. And you had to borrow my jeans. Cheap Mondays that had been made in China!
There may or may not have been a pair of jeans that did rip. I was testing out a pair of samples. They ripped from my knee to my crotch.
[friend ii] That’s the kind of jeans you wear MR MUTT!

I know! Can I have them?

I did have someone refer to it that night as the stairway to heaven. I was like, “Shut it down.”

That’s what runs in stockings are.

Well these jeans were an experimental pair. I had a really long tee shirt on over though, so it hid my family jewels.

What do you think of the Cobrasnake?

The trouser snake?
[friend ii] Woooooah don’t get me started.

Don’t get [friend ii] started.

Don’t get “Person B” started.
[friend ii] Don’t get me started on that fat, hairy Jew.

[collective laughter]

Included in the interview…
[friend i] Who are you talking about?
[friend ii] Who do you think I’m talking about?
The trouser snake.
[friend i] What’s that fat, hairy Jew?
[friend ii] There are just so many of them.
Ron Jeremy, Cobrasnake, Whoopi Golberg… She’s got a Jewish name.
[friend ii] She’s also a woman and not that hairy…

I dunno, she’s got those dreadlocks…

Look Person B. She’s hairy. And she wears Comme des Garçons, so she’s practically a male.
[friend ii] Only guys can pull of Comme des Garçons. Except Tavi.
Yes. I agree.
[friend ii] Another question now, please.
This is now a dual interview.
[friend ii]Yes! I might need a photo.

Alright we will. Put your beanie over your face. Can we have a crotch shot?

[friend ii] No, but. I’ll do double stripe.
What are you trying to be, a Givenchy campaign?
[friend ii] No.

Dude, you have your hair in your face in every photo.

Go the conflicting stripes.
[friend ii] They’re gonna know who it is, right?
They’re just going to think Backstreet’s back…

Alright!

[friend ii] No hair! No hair!

Person A, where did you learn to dance so fly?

Oh, you know, I just picked it up off the streets. It’s a hard life, growing up in the streets of Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs. You pick up some street cred along the way. Dance moves included.
[friend ii] And I learnt from him!

When was the last time you embarrassed yourself hideously?

[friend ii] Wednesday.
Every fucken day.
[friend ii] Like, ten seconds ago.

What happened on Wednesday?

[friend ii] You don’t want to know.

Oh, but I do.

Yeah, what happened? When did you embarrass yourself?
[friend ii] Wednesday.
Yes.
[friend ii] Last Wednesday.
What happened?

Did you knock over a whole esky full of beer and ruin countless people’s clothes and valuable possessions not to mention about sixty bottles of beer?

[friend ii] That was you, buddy.
That was interviewee.

Interviewer…

Oh shit.

Way to try and be clever.

Oooh I’m scorned.
[friend ii] Woah! Look at that! Did I tell you about that night?

I was there.

[friend ii] Oh right.
What happened last Wednesday?
[friend ii] Well maybe you didn’t embarrass yourself, but I did. Don’t worry.
I didn’t embarrass myself. Except at a little Chinese bar, heckling the karaoke singers.
[friend ii] Maybe I didn’t. I just got anxious.

Pretty sure you didn’t. That was just me.

[friend ii] No one saw you fall over.

Or say, “Two hundred pizzas just got DAH-MOLASHED.” On the record.

At least you weren’t at a bar at four thirty in the morning, heckling corporate people dancing on tables.

Aww, but you bonded.

Yes, but… They were going “WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP.” They were clearly just cutting loose for their night.

Did you just move away from my leg because I was rubbing you inappropriately?

It’s chafing!

Person B! People might recognise your room!

[friend ii] Look. How many people have been in this room? I’m not that much of a whore, alright?

[portions excluded due to slanderous remarks]

[friend ii] Oh shit, this is being recorded.

Don’t worry I’ll cut out all the shit.

aka. Breaks for white noise and hectic mess.

aka. It will be about, four lines. “portions excluded due to people talking shit.”

[Dolly Parton starts playing]
Do you know what, Person B, with those golden locks, I bet people will think you’re Dolly Parton.

Maybe they will. People love to speculate.

I love Dolly Parton.

[portions excluded due to blatant dolly parton endorsement]

[friend i] What is that? It smells like burning.

[portions excluded due to nonsensical chatter]

This interview is a failure.

I think there will be some golden moments in there.

Do you have any other magical comments to add?

[portion excluded due to unintelligible drivel. something about apc and taft and other personal jokes that wouldn’t make sense to audience due to other portions being excluded]

Person C can give you a lift.
[friend i] Wow I love how you just offer my taxi service like that.

[portion excluded due to discussion of private details such as addresses and cars and such]

[friend ii] Ok I’ll just put my APC shoes on. And my APC hat. And my APC scarf. And my APC stockings.

Hey, guys, can I ask some more questions? Want to pay attention to me?

Woah, it’s still going? Everyone pay attention. Guys, there’s an interview going on.

What’s your favourite position?

Position?

Position.

It’s like a technicolour rainbow. It’s different on different days.

Today? Right now? If [boyfriend] was to walk in, and you were to throw him down, what would you do?

Yeah, blank out name. Maybe… Legs up, in the air, on his or her back.
[friend ii] In a motel!
Sure. Ok, so on his or her back, me holding legs up in the air, like so. [demonstrates position]

Personal note: humps the air.
Person B?

[friend ii] Nooooo! [brother]’s in the room!
Block your ears!
[friend ii] Wow you totally put me on the spot!

That’s the point. You have three seconds to answer or you lose.

Just spit it out.
[friend ii]


What did you say? The fast hog? Is that even a position?

She said reverse hog I think…

[friend ii] I said… I’m not going to tell you now.

Reverse what?

[friend ii] No. Scrap that. Scrap reverse. I don’t have a favourite position. Some kind of handstand variation. I used to be a gymnast you know.

[portions excluded due to comments relating to Person A’s vagina imitation, a photo of which cannot be included]

What’s the most recent pornographic encounter you had?

Bad?

Sure.

The Ksubi show.
[friend ii] Person A’s dancing earlier.
NEXT.

Um… favourite sex toy.

[friend i] The rubber fist.
I’m going to take the moral high ground here and say: “The human mind.”

[portions excluded, once again, due to shit talking]

[friend ii] Are you going to put all of this in here?

Yep.

Every inch?

Sure.

Every. Single. Inch. Of the manhood.

It’s all the way in.

[portions excluded, once again, due to dolly parton]

If you could have any fetish what would it be?

[friend ii] Eminem? I’m putting Eminem on. I know all the words.

Eminem’s not a fetish. You could say white gangsters, but not just one person.

[friend ii] Old men.

How old? Like ninety?

[friend ii] Not that old.
As far as fetishes go you could get really weird…
[friend ii] Club feet!
Ewwwww! I choose tinea. Nothing gets me off like tinea. It’s like a foot fetish, just to the extreme.

You still need to choose one.

[friend ii] I just want to sing along.

[portions excluded to to copyright infringement]

fashion week reject. no photo.

Kill me! Kill me! Kill me now!
Hi, how are you?

I’m good thanks, how are you?

I’m great.

Are you excited for your show?

Yes. Ooh thanks! Caprioska in the works! Um, yes. I’m very excited. Except my shoes got lost in Paris today. Hopefully we’ll find them tomorrow. They’re having a baguette and they’re looking at the Eiffel Tower. We’re excited. We’re excited.

Can you talk me through what goes on when you’re designing sunglasses?

I’m just a bit drunk for this. We can’t do this right now.

That’s ok, we’ll just interview your for heyweird.

What?

Well it was supposed to be for In Front. But everyone’s been a bit drunk tonight, so I’ll just do you for heyweird.

Cool.

How do you feel about what you do?

I feel quite good about what I do.
[friend]Upfronted, Defronted and fronted all over.
Right… Whatever he said.

Can you describe what you do without telling us what it is?

I draw things that look good on people’s faces.
[friend] Things that are supposed to sit on your face.
Who wants to sit on my face? I want to draw something that sits on your face. That’s better.

Do you think it takes a certain kind of person to wear sunglasses? Is it a particular face shape?

No. Not if you live in Sydney. Everybody wants to wear sunglasses. Everybody wants somebody to sit on their face.
What are these cigarettes? They’re very vanilla-y.

It’s licorice paper. Direct from London.

It’s delicious! Enough now I’m embarrassed.

A little bit more?

Alright, a little bit more.

What music do you like?

Everything! Um… Disco. I love disco.

Does disco inspire your sunglasses?

Occassionally.
[friend] You like Kisschasy. You like Radiohead. You like Boy and Bear. And you like disco disco.

So could someone wear your sunglasses inside at night?

They certainly could. But not that whole: “I wear my sunglasses at night.” Not like that. Not like eighties. They’d be modern and cool. And opticals! We have opticals now. If you can’t see, get some opticals on your face.

Amazing. What’s your favourite sexual position?

Hmmm…
[friend] Missionary. She likes missionary positionary.
Missionary?

Do not say missionary.

[sings]Don’t mess with the missionary man!

Really?

No. I like to mix it up. There’s no favouritism.

And you like to sit on people’s faces.

Sure!
[friend] Couch face.
Not couch potato, couch face.

Can you point out someone here tonight whose face you’d like to sit on?

Oooh him. Who wouldn’t want to sit on that face? Perfect nose bridge! Perfect!
[friend] Not dissimilar to mine…
No it’s not. So i better include [friend] as well. How could you fault him.
And you! You look pretty good.
Holy moly. Why are we still here?

Because we’ve still got alcohol. What’s your favourite drink?

Red wine. And a little Campari every now and then.

Did you get any of the free red wine upstairs?

No. Rosemount sucks.

I don’t know that you’re allowed to say that here this week.

I’m not allowed to say that, I know. But come on… let’s be honest. When I had the Rosemount sparkling, actually, it was quite delicious. I had five glasses.

Where’s your favourite place in the world?

Croatia. Spain. Anywhere in the Mediterranean where you can go for weeks and weeks, party and sleep and just lay on the beach.
Oh and New York!

What was the shittiest job you ever had?

[first answer stricken from the record at request of interviewee so as not to piss off any current or previous employers.]
Actually working in real estate.
Ooh I’m being requested inside.

Just tell me quickly, why was it the worst job you ever had?

‘Cause everyone was a sleazeball.

“i really like double-barrelled last names.” “we’ve already had this discussion.” “and single syllable last names.”

Part I

All these bands that were touring, LCD Sound System, can’t go. All their tours have been cancelled.

They can’t go to Europe?

Mmm.

How’s she doing?

Yeah, she’s good. She lost her laptop so I think she was freaking out, but… laughing at the end.

That’s good.

It’s really nice. I feel like the longer we’re together the better it’s getting.

Have you ever felt like that with anyone else?

Um… It’s just been different.

And you’re going to get married…

And we’re going to get married. We so are. I was just saying… Our combined name is [hilarious hybrid name]. Because if we get married, whose name are we going to take? Because you can’t hyphenate them. That’s ridiculous. And I don’t like hyphenated names. So it’s like, “Whose would we take?” So we just invented a new one.

My hybrid name would be Ruttardyments.

Hahahaha nice.

Oh. [girlfriend] and I were just discussing this and she thinks that a vegan diet keeps your skin looking really young. ‘Cause all my vegan friends, most of them are over thirty and they all look about eighteen. So I think you’re on to a good thing. But also I think it’s just because all my vegan friends actually care about what they eat. And don’t eat shit.

And you were saying you don’t want to eat processed foods…

[rolling cigarette] Yeah. I’m trying not to eat processed foods. But I’ll still smoke cigarettes. So yeah. Just not food with shit in it.

[rolling cigarette] Yeah I might have one too…
[rolling cigarette] Gosh you are… both of you! Both of you together are a bad influence on me.

Hey, we all help each other.

We help each other kill ourselves.

How is this one compared to this one? [comparing tobacco brands]

Do you want to try it? Can I try yours?
This one’s cheaper. I went into the store today because I was planning on stocking you up and I was like, “Which one’s the cheapest.”
It’s really roughly cut.
I really like it though. It’s like that Top brand. In New York.

Drum is really hard. And it has lots of sticks in it.

Can you actually smoke those sticks? I don’t get it.

You can. They’re just not so easy to roll.

Yeah they’d tear the paper.

I started rolling on Drum. ‘Cause a lot of my friends smoked it.

I started on Drum too. ‘Cause this one gave me a packet.
Are you going to be here in July?

Um… It depends on my Visa.

Well if you are here, are you going to go to Splendour?

Aren’t the tickets like, four hundred bucks? And it’s in Queensland? So no. I’ll probably see the sideshows. Are you going to go?

We’re hoping to.

I’ve never been to a music festival before.

They’re like, my favourite thing in the world.

Never ever.

Not even Big Day Out?

Never.

I like the camping ones better.

I know. I want to go to a camping one.

Yeah. That’s the whole idea. Just some tickets are one day and some are two… God. I was talking to [friend] in the agency, and she was saying she was going on some job down the coast. And they had to camp. I was like, “Are you serious? Camping for a job?”

Was she getting paid enough? She must be. She’s only here for a week.

It’s for that job?

Well she said she was only here for a week for one job. She might stay longer.

Yeah. Can you imagine that? I actually quite like camping. And it’s fun.

But it would be really hard because you don’t look amazing when you camp. You don’t sleep well.

Exactly.

And where are you showering? Maybe they’re bringing campers down. Not tents.

She said there was mention of a tent.

They wouldn’t have her in a tent. I don’t think.

It sounds weird to me.

[pause]

You know how I find babies really cute… When I’m upset, [boyfriend] thinks he can just point out babies to me on the street and cheer me up. And I’m just like “Fuck off. That’s not going to work. And anyway, that baby is ugly.”

I’m feeling like that’s a really important thing to have with each other. Learning how to get each other out of dark times.

Can I just ask you. And I don’t mean to be offensive or anything…

“Why are you so awesome?” Yeah… Well it’s because… I was, you know, born this way.

Are you offended by that?

No, but I was just thinking… You’ve both gone out with the same girl. How does that work? Does it bother you at all?

Um… I kind of… hate you.

Yeah. I definitely feel uncomfortable about it.

No, but with her?

Does it bother her, do you mean? I think maybe if we were friends first…

She started talking to me again when she found out that I was friends with you. And then she stopped. And then she started again when I was hanging out with [friend]. Hmm. Weird.

I don’t feel weird about it. If we were friends first and then we started dating the same girl I would feel weird about it.

I won’t date [current girlfriend].

You better not.

I thought you’re hetero now anyway?

Get fucked.

Hahaha. We’re going to start a vegan café in Melbourne. We want to do like, an Iku type thing. In Melbourne. You can start a franchise, but you need to have a main kitchen to get deliveries from. But I don’t know. Iku is kind of hit and miss for me. At the end of the day it gets bad. I would rather not have ready made stuff. Well, it’s good that it’s quick, but I don’t like that it’s been sitting there all day. It goes a bit gross.

Will you have those couches? Those really low ones, like in Amsterdam?

It was like a harem.

Were you guys all sluts? And there was one…

Pimp.

Yeah that would be kind of nice.

Part II

How do you feel about what you do?

About modelling?

It can be about anyrhing.

I’m  wearing some awesome pants which makes me feel awesome so I’m pretty happy about that. I’m happy about doing my girlfriend because she’s a megababe. Um… I’m happy. Yeah. I’m happy about life. I feel like I have goals.

If you could be a superhero…

I knew it. What power would I have?

No. What would your name be?

Negator. No.

You’d have to be Positor.

I would, wouldn’t I.

What would your power be?

Spreading love and joy. How amazing would that be? No, I always envied those superheroes that were just the slutty girls that could make everyone fall in love with them.

How does that help people?

Hey, I’m spreading love in my own way.

Are you allergic to anything?

No.

If there was one thing you could be allergic to… You know how some people use it as an excuse?

Oh, like “I’m allergic to wheat, I can’t eat any bread because it makes me bloated.”

Yeah, like that.

I seriously hate that. So many people say that they’re allergic to gluten because it makes them “bloated”. It’s like, yeah, it fills your tummy because it’s a carbohydrate… Whatever. What would I be allergic to…

Awkward situations?

Hahaha. I don’t think there’s anything.

Do you have a favourite book? A book that changed your life?

A book that I read recently: The Second Sex. My friend gave it to me.

Oh, my mum was telling me about that. No! You were telling me about that.

Hahaha, yeah. It’s a really important female studies book. That was written in the forties. And it kind of just made me really depressed about being a woman. It make me feel really bad. I was expecting to feel really empowered and awesome, but it just made me a bit depressed. It was pointing out the differences in men and women, how women are so devoted to the species in that we can’t really escape the fact that we need to reproduce. We get our period every month, which is horrible for every woman. We have to take time off from our lives to have kids. At leas a few months for the whole pregnancy/birth issue… whereas men don’t have to do that, so they can concentrate on individual growth, while we’re forced to focus on species growth. So yeah, it just made me feel really depressed about being a woman. Which was awful. It’s a book that changed my life.

Do you feel like you should be doing more for feminism after that? Or did it make you feel like giving up?

It made me feel more like giving up. Which I hated, because I don’t want to give up on that. Because women are awesome.

How do you feel about feminism?

How do I feel about feminism…

Would you call yourself a feminist?

Yes. I don’t know how I feel about it. I think it’s awesome. I think it’s important.

You don’t think that women are equal yet?

No. And I don’t think we ever will be. Just because we are so different. We’re incomparable to men. I feel like it’s unfair to compare us.

It’s like a different species. You’re doing inter-species dating.

Like Ligers. And Tigons.

We aren’t equal, and never will be. Not to say that we’re higher and lower. We’re just not the same.

Do you think that’s good or bad?

I think that’s life.

What’s your favourite song?

I don’t have one. But a song that I always get stuck in my head it Meatloaf ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Lights’. I did it in grade six for a school play. And ever since that moment in time, it’s been a constant in my life. It’s something that just keeps popping up.

Is there a particular lyric?

No. It’s the whole song. I can recite it word for word.

Do you feel like it has any symbolic meaning in your life?

Hahaha. No it doesn’t. It’s about a guy getting laid. Gross! And he’s being mega sleazy, saying all the right things to get this chick in bed. And the girl’s like, “Just tell me that you love me and you’re going to be around forever.” And he’s like, “Yeah, yeah sure.” And then at the end he’s complaining because now he’s stuck with this chick and he just wanted a root.

If you could pick one artist to do your portrait who would it be?

Helmut Newton. I love how his pictures are just… I love the way he portrays women as so empowered and awesome. And I love that he uses a lot of nudity. I think that people are so constricted by their clothes. Like, how many people feel more comfortable wearing clothes than they do being naked. Even if they’re just walking around their houses by themselves.

Do you feel more comfortable being naked?

Yes. I definitely feel more comfortable naked.

Well I think we’ve all seen each other naked.

So you said before…

That I’m awesome?

Oh yeah, that one. No. That you’re thinking of opening a vegan café. But you’re not vegan. How would that work?

I just think that there’s a niche in the market in Melbourne. Well, there are vegan places…

Lord of the Fries. Amazing.

I still think there’s an opening there.

I think it’s more vegan junk food in Melbourne… burgers, pizza, Mexican…

Haha, there’s this place, Trippy Taco, that’s a vegan Mexican place, and the guy had this really weird trip and something told him to open this Mexican restaurant and so he did.

Trip as in acid trip?

Yeah. Trip as in hallucinogenic trip.

Do you like hallucinogenic chemicals?

Yes. I would say yes.

What’s your favourite drug?

Um… I don’t know. It definitely depends on your mood. Hallucinogenics aren’t for all the time. They can send you some pretty weird places. And it’s also depending on the time of my life. It’s changed throughout my life. At the moment I’m not taking many drugs. So I think life is the best drug. Love is the drug.

Good answer.

Have you unpacked your suitcase yet? Since you just got back.

No. This morning when I was getting dressed… Actually I’ve been really good at packing and unpacking recently. In my last few trips I’ve been really organized. Growing up finally. But today I woke up and just couldn’t be bothered. So now it’s turned in to the old suitcase explosion. You know the one.

Oh yes. I know the one.

Are you hygienic.

That’s debatable. No. Well, um I guess it depends whose standards you’re going by, but no. I wouldn’t say I’m especially hygienic at all.

Do you think you smell sometimes?

Well. Not now. But I did go through this phase of growing out my armpit hair and wearing aluminium free deodorant at the same time. And I’m just letting you know: this combination doesn’t go so well. I think you could probably do one or the other and not be so bad. But both gets a bit smelly.

Yeah I bought some aluminium free deodorant in New York and it was terrible.

Some of it works. And also I think your body gets addicted to the aluminium. ‘Cause in Japan, deodorant is a really new thing. It only came in like, four years ago. And I remember looking for it in the store and it was really hard to find. And my ex-girlfriend is Japanese, and she never wore deodorant.

What?

I don’t know about your experiences… She who cannot be named,

Well where I grew up… no it wasn’t. But I didn’t go to supermarkets until a later age.

But yeah. I don’t think BO smell is bad.

I think it’s about the pheromones. So yeah, if it’s someone that you really love then you don’t mind the smell because you’re used to having their bodily fluids in certain orifices anyway.

I guess this is true.

Do you paint or draw?

Yes, but I haven’t recently. Yeah, every now and again I go through this phase of trying to cancel art and creativity out of my life. And I’m like, “No, I have to focus on education and things that are important to society and important to the development of the human race…”

That’s very big of you.

Thanks. Yeah, and then I kind of end up sending myself crazy and realise that I actually need a creative outlet in my life.

But if there was no creativity, there wouldn’t be that much point to the continuation of the human race. It’s what makes life enjoyable.

Yeah. That’s the conclusion that I’ve come to. It’s like, science is what we need and art is what we do to enjoy our time while we’re doing the science. But even then, there’s creativity within science. Like all of these guys that made discoveries, yeah they were very knowledgeable of course, but you have to have some sort of creativity to come up with a new theory.

Tell us about conspiracy theories.

No. I don’t want to. That conversation is too long.

What do you want to do when you’re an old woman?

I want to still be in love. I want to have grandkids. I want to be really glamorous. I want to have a purple perm. I want to wear pearls. And be amazing.

Do you have a favourite flower – being a girl?

Well I don’t think being a girl has anything to do with it.

Ok, well as a woman.

Hahahahaha, Well now that you’ve rephrased it, yeah! I’m quite partial to roses. I enjoy their classicness.

Do you like getting flowers?

Yes. And I love giving flowers. It’s a small gesture but it’s really nice. I think it’s like cooking a meal for someone. It doesn’t cost a lot but it’s sweet.

Do you like baking cakes?

Yes.

What’s the best design you’ve ever done.

I’ve made some pretty amazing cakes for [girlfriend]. The best chocolate cake I’ve ever made was for her birthday last year. And it was a vegan cake. I’d never tried that before. I found this recipe on the internet. And it was just the best chocolate cake I’ve ever had. I was so shocked that it was vegan.

[old-married-couple-like bickering goes on for several minutes within MR MUTT, revolving around the internet, pen lids and facial expressions. it is eventually resolved. all is well.]

Can I tell you something that I’m really angry about right now?

Go ahead.

That Lady Gaga has become the benchmark for anything strange.

Tell the story.

It’s not very interesting. I was just at a casting today and some lady said that one of my photos looked like Lady Gaga, because I had a short blonde wig on. Um… I really hope that I look nothing like Lady Gaga to be perfectly honest. And I don’t think that I do.

Do you like Lady Gaga? I feel like she kind of divides the population.

I find her interesting. My opinions about her are too mixed. I hate that she’s claiming to be all new and exciting just because she’s doing something different, when actually people that have been doing different things, and far more awesomely, have been doing it for such a long time. And I hate that she’s claiming to be so out there and like, “Woah, Oh my God.” But her songs are so boring.

I know! Plus she’s got a whole team of marketers.

Exactly! It’s not even her.

She doesn’t even dress herself, and that’s what she’s most famous for.

Exactly. I’ve been told on several occasions that I look like Lady Gaga.

What? You don’t have the nose.

Well the other day I did geisha lips, which is the most minor of facepaint looks that I’ve ever done in my life. And some of my friends said I looked like Lady Gaga, and I’m like, “Why has that become the benchmark?”

Pretty sure geisha lips have been around long before Lady Gaga. That’s how they got their name. Shockingly enough.

Randomly… Off white, clinical white or cream?

Clinical white.

Why?

Well I don’t really like cream that much because it’s close to beige and beige is so boring. And off white… there’s so many different shades of off white. And clinical white…

It’s a definite thing.

Yeah… I don’t really know how to justify it. It just feels right. Like, Shu Uemura, you know how their packaging is really clinical? I really like that. It seems scientific.

Final question… What’s your favourite… strangest thing that you like to do in bed?

Um… I don’t know…

Not good enough.

I feel like I should come up with something really interesting to tell you.

Or you could just tell us a kinky story.

Aaaagh. I feel like I’m going to blush.

You’re the least embarrassed person I know.

I know, but it’s just… different when I’m being recorded.

Can you make up a fantasy story? On the spot.

I can tell you about my dream the other day. Alright, so I was having a sex dream about [anonymous female], and I got pregnant. I almost orgasmed in the dream, but not quite.

Have you ever orgasmed in a dream?

Yeah, from time to time. It’s the most amazing thing in the world. When I wake up it’s just incredible.

Do you wake up when it happens?

Yeah.

Are you touching yourself when you wake up?

Well I haven’t, in my experience. But I’ve got some friends who have been touching themselves when they’ve woken up. But no, I don’t think I am. Do you wake up touching yourself?

No. And then I smell my hands and they don’t smell like I’ve been touching myself…

Any final comments?

No. I’ve gotten a bit shy now.

“is that one of pamela anderson’s husbands?” “no. the other one.” “jones.”

Part I

Would you want to do something else outside of that, to give yourself a break?

I think that I want to work in a bar for a bit, and just like, slowly do it.

Do you have your license?

Yeah, I’ve got my RSA.

In Hurstville?

Anywhere. Well yeah, I’d like to do it in the city. I can see a lot more things than my area. My area is just so… Hopefully I’ll move soon.

Have you been to that Asian restaurant though? I went there once and we got the coconut water, with these big, huge coconut chunks in it.

Miss Saigon? Yeah I love that place.

So good…

There’s a really good noodle place there as well now. Which I always go to.

Have you seen the cat lately?

No.

Apparently they tried to transfer it to his parents house and um…

Freaked out?

Did a poo on the doona. So they had to move it back to Gallipolli st.
How’s your cat? I saw a picture of it…

It’s twenty years old.

Twenty?

Yeah. My cat’s twenty years old. I got it when I was three, and that was when I first moved to Sydney. So… Well actually it’s more than twenty.

How did you get it?

My dad worked at this factory, and it was stealing lunches from the factory. And it was covered in grease. And my mum really wanted a black cat, and so my dad thought that it was black. They were going to put it in a plastic bag and throw it in a river, so my dad says, “No, well I’ll take it home.” Took it home, and they washed it, and it turns out it was black and white.

It was just so oily?

Yeah.

What’s her name?

Lucy.

It’s a girl, yeah.

It’s a bitch of a cat. Like it’s… you can see that it’s had a very feral upbringing. But it wasn’t even a kitten when my dad found it either, so it’s really, really old.

Is she still a feisty little minx?

She’s slowly deteriorating. Still a bitch. Like, out of nowhere. You’ll pat her and she’ll just bite the shit out of you. She still whacks at you when you walk past or if she’s hungry.

Has she had any kittens or did you get her spayed?

Nah. Got her desexed. But we keep her inside a lot, because we figure the more we keep her outside the more she’ll deteriorate.

And since she’s lasted so long she must be a bit of a neighbourhood legend.

Yeah. Mum wanted to put her down, but dad said no.

Well cats are normally really self sufficient, and then when they’re about to die they’ll go away into the wilderness to die.

I think it’s… mentally it’s still alive, but physically it’s slowly deteriorating. Like, it’s not that quick to jump on a couch. You look at it, it’s actually put a lot of weight on now, ’cause my dad keeps giving it chocolate.

Is that bad?
I thought it was bad for dogs.

It’s bad for both of them.

Well it’s bad for everyone…

You know those chocolate pods? It eats them whole. Like, swallows it. The whole thing. Just oomph.

Doesn’t chew?

She’s got a bad problem with eating food, then harassing us an hour later, so we give her more food. Then she gobbles that down and vomits it back up. That’s old age.

Was she eating plants or anything? Like, you know when cats are sick?
Oh, they eat grass…
To make themselves vomit…
That’s a bit bulimic…

Hmm… Maybe… She used to eat rats and lizards and stuff.

Did she bring you “gifts”?

She’s brought us rats. She brought a pigeon in once.

That freaks me out. Elroy did that to me once.
Elroy is a beautiful specimen.

She used to eat the whole rat, and leave the head on the back doorstep.

It means loyalty. It’s a big sign from a cat. Because cats, you know, can be very easily swayed.

She was very stupid. When I was around sixteen. She used to headbutt the door, and took the paint off the backdoor and left it on her nose.

Was she pretty strong-willed?

Yeah. She’s tough.

She sounds amazing. Sounds like my kind of woman.

She’s crazy. I want a black cat, but.

Would you get another one if…

Yeah, I would. But I don’t know if my dad would.

Why? Was he pretty attached to her?

He was pretty attached to my dog when it died too. My dog died on my birthday.

How old were you?

I was in high school. I was in year eight. I had to do a speech about it, which was so stupid.

Were you traumatised?

Nah. I was like, fifteen. Fence is pretty easy to get out… Deathwish

Well how’d he die?

He walked… or… dogged or galloped or whatever… three, four blocks, out to the street… got hit by a truck. And the truck driver knew my dad. So he called him.

[barista: flat white?]

Yep. What did you order?

Sandwich.

Has [friend] told you the cat story?

No?

Ugh! We do not need to hear the cat story!
[cat story omitted due to horrificness]

Part II

How do you feel about what you do?

Um… Pretty… Um… I dunno actually. Well right now I’m not really doing anything.

What did you study?

Uh… Graphic design. And… I enjoy it a lot. It’s fun.

Did you want to work for a particular studio or company or artist before you left uni?

Uh… No… I was really just looking for experience. Just take what I can get.

Have you interned anywhere?

No but I’ve done work experience before.

When did you finish?

I finished… Last year.

Do you have a fantasy job?

Yes.

What is it?

Um… I dunno… I’m too young to think of anything really.

Just a dream job. The first thing that comes into your head.

These are tough questions.

Like working in a porn store.

Yeah, that’d be good. Porn star would be good as well. Well, for a week. Just to see what it’d be like.

What would your porn name be?

I dunno…

Isn’t it like… your first pet’s name and the street you grew up on?

Smith Matilda.

Would you be a woman or a man?

In my porn star life, I’d definitely be a man.

In your ideal setting for your first shoot, would you be an office worker, a milkmaid or a pizza delivery guy?

Office worker sounds alright.

Why is that so appealing?

Because pizza delivery guy and milkman…

Milkmaid.
Oh right. I forgot he chose to be a man…

Yeah, well those ones just seem really cliched.

Right, because porn is so creative and original…

Yeah, well I’d aim for that creative and original market.

Ah, so you’d have an entire new genre created for you.

Oh yeah. I’m making for the upper class sort of people.

This isn’t porn for you and I.
Well if you could go to the playboy mansion, would you?

Yeah. I guess. Who wouldn’t?

And would you go as Smith Matilda?

I’d have to.

Would you have a moustache?

Yes.

Can you grow a moustache?

No. Not right now I can’t. I’ve got this massive gap here. It’s like… snail end trails.

Would you try to get with Hugh’s best girl?

Who’s Hugh’s best girl?

I don’t know any more. I only knew of Holly and Kendra but they’re gone now.

They’re ok… But they’re really blonde. I’m not really a fan of blonde girls. Not… not to stereotype.

You like the raven beauties.

I just think I’ve seen a lot more attractive brunettes than blondes.

You’re just chatting us up now.

Oh come on. Come on.

I got dared to chat you up.

Who by?

[friend]

[friend]’s an arse. Fucking [friend]. What a bum.

Interviewing is my way of chatting up. Also you just missed my amazing chat up look.
She’s amazing, this one.
Where can you see yourself in ten years time?

Um… Somewhere overseas. Working.

Is there anywhere that you’re desperate to travel to?

Japan and Scotland.

You’re going on your first trip overseas in a couple of weeks aren’t you?
Where are you going?

Malaysia, Singapore.

Who are you going with?

My girlfriend.

She’s travelled before no?

She’s been to Singapore.

Beware of the airport there. It’s full of orchids. It’s like a little greenhouse.
Why is that a beware?
Just… in case… you don’t like orchids.
Aren’t orchids really sexual?
Yeah I was just about to say that. They look like vaginas.
DON’T BE TRICKED. THEY’RE FLOWERS. BEWARE.

Ok. I won’t get my penis out.

Where are you staying? Hotels? Hostels?

Hotels. You can’t stay at hostels with your girlfriend.

Oh, tell [friend] that. [long tangent about book of sexual short stories, one of which involves paintings of orchid vaginas.]
Do you have a favourite book?

No, I don’t read much.

Well you should read this one. You would love it. It will help you on the road to porn stardom.

I’m not a reader.

How do you entertain yourself?

Doing things. Even though I do spend a lot of time on my bum. Doing nothing. I like to be more out there. Do a lot more. Keeping up with my routine. I think in my line of career that’s what you really have to do to be successful. You’ve really got to be out there.

Are you working anywhere right now?

No. I’m surviving off gambling.

Really?

Really. My dad gives me one hundred dollars whenever I ask. Which is really mean to say, like, “Dad, give me money.” But he does, so I’ll get that and go up to the pub or RSL and gamble on the Pokies machines. And if I double my money, then that’s my limit. Then I’ll keep going and if I go back down to double my money, I’ll leave. But about a week ago I won eight hundred dollars. Made that last till… today.

Is there a method?

My method would be… Always have a positive mind. Thinking negatively when you’re there is not going to make you win. I’ve been there a lot of times and just felt like shit and kept spinning and spinning and spinning and um… yeah. I usually just stick to one machine.

Do you jump on one that someone’s already warmed up?

Yeah I’ll usually do that. Everyone’s supposed to do that. I used to just wait till someone would leave then grab their machine.

Oh, you’re one of those. Just breathing over their shoulder till they get intimidated then you pounce.

No. No no no. I’ll just do a few laps. Come back, be like, “Oh you’re still playing, alright,” move on. But the best feeling is the first time you win. After that you’re like… the feeling’s just not the same.

What’s how you become an addict. Because you’re always searching for that first high. Chasing the dragon, man.

Unless you get more than what you’ve won in the past. I won four grand once. Jumping between pubs.

Do you have hot spots?

I think… The less pokies in a pub the better. There’s more people playing them. You go somewhere like Star City and you’ve got no hope. There’s so many machines. You don’t know who’s playing them. It’s like pot luck. There’s some machines that pay out a lot. And then there are people that have theories like, if you win once you’ll win for two more spins and that’s it.

Anything else? Do you play cards? Horses? Greyhounds?

Nah. Not big on that. I’m currently into roulette. The electronic one. My friends have watches a series on that. They’ve got theories. Like, if it lands on a five it’s going to be multiples of five. Apparently they think it works. And with all the odds, these theories, they’re so far fetched, but quite often they work. Like, where the ball lands… It’s going to land somewhere near that the next round. And if it lands on one side of the wheel it’s going to be one of these three following numbers. And they know everything, so when they play they follow this series, so they’ve got all their bases covered. But they don’t win that much in the end. Haha.

Do you like to drink?

Yep.

What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage

Rum.

Straight or mixed?

Mixed.

Rum and coke?

Is that bad?

No. Not at all. I judge no one.
Favourite label?

Bundaberg. Don’t like Bacardi that much. So awkward that this is an interview. I liked the fact that we were just having a conversation. Now it’s like… really…

Do you smoke?

Yep.

What do you smoke?

I’ve been buying these for years. Dunhill Blues.

When did you start?

When I was… seventeen.

Do you think you’ll ever quit?

I’d like to think I’ll quit.

Are you worried-

About not quitting? Yes.

Because of the health risks?

The health risks never really affect me… It’s just the fact that I’ll never quit.

How’s your sandwich? One to ten.

Eight.

Do you have any party tricks?

No.

Boring. Could you make something up?

I can make this weird noise with my tongue. [makes noise]

Wow. So you do.

I invented that one in high school. Just kept doing it.

Can you do a loop with your tongue?

No.

If you could model one part of your body what would it be?

My legs.

Why your legs?

I’ve been told they’re my best feature. But from guys. Not girls.

Do you shave your legs?

No. I once got in lots of trouble for shaving my [crotch] off my girlfriend.

Why did you do that?

‘Cause it’s funny. ‘Cause I was just bored one day. ‘Cause thought I’d give it a go. She was not pleased.

“cover yourself with the veronicas’ naked bodies.” “wouldn’t be the first time.”

Part I

I’m doing this party next week. You all have to come. It’s starting next week.

Oh, TOY TOY.

Yeah, My friend who is advertising manager for the Brag, he’s just going, “I’m going to send you a quick question and answer, profile about your party, just do it ASAP.” And I go, “Oh, yeah sure.” And now he’s like, “Aha too late bro.” Damn, you have to be snappy at the game.

Damn… Yeah I remember seeing the facebook invite for that.

All the posters are going up today. We’ve got heaps of posters at [friend]’s house, so… I should go get them right now actually but I can’t be bothered.

Are you going to be wheatpasting them in the street?

Someone else is doing it, yeah. They’re going in Bondi Beach and Bondi Junction and Newtown and Surry Hills.

Is it going to be every week?

Mmhm. And then we’ll do just little posters for places like Kawa, when they put them in the bathroom and stuff like that.

Yeah

It’s going to be so much fun. They’ve just got so much money, this club. And like, I’m not paying anything, they just asked me to do it and I was like, “Yeah ok…” And so I’m not investing any money.

What is it you’re actually doing for it?

Well I’m just running it, so I’m booking the DJ, the concept, organising the posters, organising promoters, organising, you know, all that crap that they make you do.

Are they paying you?

Yeah. Oh, and advertising. But there’s just so much money. Like they’re already asking, “Ok, so what else should we do?”

Yeah.

You get a free wet pussy on arrival.

Oh, nice. I love when that happens as soon as I arrive.

And then they’re ordering these special balloons that are filled with laughing gas. Which is apparently kind of illegal…

And so what, are you going to inhale from the balloons or are they going to pop them so everyone’s covered in a smog?

I don’t know… Put it through the air conditioning vents maybe.
Ah! I forgot to put perfume on!

Oh no! What perfume do you wear?

Um… I have a nice Dolce and Gabbana one from that new unisex series. Like, it’s not all unisex but there’s a lot… And then there’s Polo Blue… Something else… You’re rolling [cigarettes]?

Yeah, it’s cheaper. So much cheaper.

How’s London going?

Oh, I’m not working at Abercrombie any more… Yeah, they called me and were like, “We’ve got some bad news…” hahaha. Not really.

Is there that naked boy who stands out the front still?

Maybe you should do that.

Ohhh yeah. My friend’s actually had sex with one of them. Like, a guy. He was gay.

I didn’t think they were allowed to be gay…

Yeah everything’s about, sort of, heterosexual consumption.

Abercrombie…

Do you have a lighter?

No… Oh you’ve got those nice ones. Licorice flavour.
Sorry, I feel really bad about before. I was so unenthusiastic to see you. I just felt so sick, and my phone was on silent, and I had a sleep over with [friend] and [friend].

Oh, how are they?

Both are well.
Ooh I want to put my posters up there. I really like that spot.

Well Linkwood’s tonight, so you could totally post over it and no one would care.

Yeah… Mmm, I really feel like having a big salad at Kawa but I’ve spent so much money lately, I’m really poor.

What salad would you get? If you could get anything.

There’s this really nice one there. It has chicken balls in it. And then they’ve got this nice dressing and kalamata olives…

Chicken balls? You make that sound really good.

Oh it’s nice to be out of the house. It’s good. It is GOOD.

The sun is really hot…

Is fresh air making you feel better?

Yeah. And whatever that pill was… I’ve been really sick the last two weeks actually. As soon as I get over it something else happens.

[large section is inaudible due to traffic.]

I hate the plane relationship. As soon as you start a conversation with someone you’re committed to this whole in flight relationship.

I know, that’s why I put in my headphones!

Yeah, I never talk to them.

[children walk by going crazy over something]

Who were they getting excited about?

Me. Obviously. Me.

Are you coming to watch shows?

Um, yeah, I’ll come to all of them. Shooting backstage probably. But I’m just going to try and do it for Pedestrian this time. Rather than stupid sponsorship stuff.
Oh score!

What did you score?

Twenty cents.

Part II

So you’re proud of your rolled cigarette?

[very clearly, leaning over to recorder] Yes.

How do you feel about what you do?

I feel good. I feel that I’ve been very lucky. I feel like everything’s kind of fallen into place. Like, it was never the path I was going to follow. I studied acting and that was what I was going to do. But I was never quite sure if that’s what I wanted, and what I consider myself to be about.

Are you still interested in that?

Yeah I am, and I’m interested in music still. Because I’m a flautist. Randomly.

Yes I saw the music stand in your room.

But it just kind of happened. Like with photography. I was never like, “Oh, I’m going to be a photographer.” I just kind of picked up a camera and started shooting. Doing photos at parties, then doing photos at more parties, then just started getting random work. And I still just have my most basic camera that I first got.

Your photos are great.

Thankyou. Thankyou.

And you’ve done some great interviews. Got some big names on there.

Oh, I know. People who’ve inspired me. MUTT.
Yeah, it’s all fun. But I’m just reevaluating everything at the moment. What I really want to do.

If you were going to travel where would you want to go?

At the moment my plan is to go, in August… First to my parents place in Ko Samui for a while, then to London for a little bit, then to New York. And maybe be there for their fashion week. And I’m half American so I can live there I guess.

Do you have a passport?

Not yet. But I guess I can get one.

Yeah, you can get a hereditary passport…

Hereditary passports? Hahaha

Hahaha, yeah. I feel like New York would be the more daring move though. Everyone moves to London. Even though it would be amazing, but I think New York would be more challenging and different. I don’t know. You’d know more.

I love New York.

I’ve been to both, but I feel like in London it would be easier to settle down, make friends that I’ve already known straight away. And I want to do something more outrageous. In New York I don’t really know many people.

So it would be like starting out fresh.

More of a challenge. Yeah. But who knows. Either way I just want to travel this year. Not with family, but with friends. Or with myself.

What are you doing for Easter?

Easter… um… Just going to Palm Beach to have lunch with my mum and family.

Lots of chocolate?

I guess so. I’ve already started eating my chocolate. My grandma gave me some and I found it in my bag yesterday and started eating it.

Do you know what an Easter Bilby is?

I do.

Apparently they do chocolate bilbies here instead of rabbits.

We were so confused about the bunny the other day. Like, where does the bunny get the eggs from?

And why is it a bunny?

And it’s not really an egg if it’s a bunny.

Like an ovary egg…

But people still call the bunnies easter eggs. But it’s not an egg. It’s a rabbit.

But you can still get eggs.

Yeah you can get eggs, and you call them eggs because they’re eggs. But the bunnies aren’t eggs and you call them eggs.

I don’t call them eggs.

Hmm, well that’s the difference between you and me, isn’t it. Why don’t you go back to New York then?

What part do you eat first?

I don’t really like chocolate that much. Sometimes I get cravings for it, like yesterday, and I’ll just eat it.

But if you just picked up a bunny right now, what would you bite into?

Probably the ears.

The one that’s straight up or the one that’s bent.

But they’re not bent. They’re bent on the wrapper, but then it’s just an illusion. Behind it they’re all the same.

How deceiving!

V. deceiving. I don’t know. I do what I feel like. Silly billy.

Milk or dark chocolate? Or white chocolate?

Milk. Milk if I’m drinking hot chocolate. Or for melted chocolate. White probably if I’m eating and egg. Or a bunny. Never dark. Not into dark.

Have you ever seen those strawberry ones? Pink?

Yeah… Not into it really. Not into jaffas either. Orange chocolate? Terrible. What else? I’m enjoying this.

What do you feel defines you as a person?

Oh god.

In three words.

Oh god!

But, like, is it what you do, your friends, where you’ve been…

I don’t think I’m defined by what I do. I don’t know, that’s a really hard question. Uh… A. Nice. Person.

Nice? Do you think that’s a good word? I only ever call someone nice if I can’t think of something good to say about them.

Well I always pride myself on being just… Nice. I think I’m a genuine person.

You are very nice. But there’s so much more to you than that.

I guess nice is a very swell, overall word.

I don’t know. I guess when I first moved to Sydney and I was just sucked in by all the different people and I met some really amazing people, but I met some really toxic people as well. But I always was myself, and didn’t try to fit in or change myself for anyone… I don’t know… I don’t know! Ah! Turn it off! Hahaha.
Ok. Ask me about my childhood or something.

What’s your first childhood memory? Ever.

Oh god. I cannot remember much of my childhood. Really.

Then why did you tell us to ask you about it??

I thought it would be more generalised! Like: Where did you grow up?

Ok, so where did you grow up?

I was born in Sydney. My parents got divorced early. And then I lived between Mossman and Mitchell Bay and Woolahra. And we moved around a lot between my mum and my dad. And then my dad moved to Queensland and I moved to the country with my mum. To Armadale, where I lived till I was 18. Then I moved to Sydney for three months and I hated it. My dad was in Dubai then, so I moved to Dubai. Lived there for a year or so. Then I travelled around with them. Then I moved here. Two… two or three years ago.

And liked it that time.

Yep.

Why didn’t you like it the first time?

It was really daunting. I think because I was a small town boy, I just got really overwhelmed by the city. I didn’t know many people. And Dubai was a nice place to go to and I had my family there and kind of got used to the whole city vibe. So then I came back here and the next time round it was much better.

Can you ride a horse?

No. Well I have. But I’m scared of horses now.

Why?

I got kicked by a horse. In India. In Calcutta.

When you were on your Mother Theresa kick?

Yeah. I went to India to work with the missionary charity. And then one day in the hotel we got stuck in the elevator and we dropped four floors. And that freaked me out. And then we went for a journey around Calcutta and I went to pat this horse and I got kicked and got this massive bruise. Oh, and then I got chased by this man with a monkey. He was saying I had to give him money. Because I looked at his monkey. All in one day.

Can you still feel what it was like when it dropped?

That freaked me out so much. There were ten people in the elevator, all being really stupid. They were all jumping and trying to stop the elevator. And I get really claustrophobic. Then it dropped and all this dust started coming in and I was like, shaking. It was awful. And then someone came and opened the doors and we were just below the main level of the hotel. So we had to climb up and crawl out.

What do you think makes a beautiful photograph?

Um… I think it’s really subjective. Like any kind of art. I mean, I mainly do social photography. Most other social photographers try to make everyone look really glamorous. Like, Hollywood celebrities. Which is really beautiful and amazing in its own right. And then a lot of photographers like to capture the art of a party, which is really nice as well. And they do really conceptual things. I like to try and capture the ugliness – the reality of the trashyness of the party. Which is also beautiful in its own right. But in general… I like all different types of photography. I love beautiful portraiture. And I like landscapes. I would never do something like that but I can appreciate it. I think you just like what you like. Just go with it.
I’m really bad though, I was like this with my art, and with my acting, and with my music… I just don’t get really inspired. Which is really annoying. I’m not one of those artists who is always inspired by something. I kind of just… do it. I just do what I like and it happens organically.

Ok. Last question. Can you tell us a secret?

Um… a secret…

You can just say no. That can be your answer.

I just don’t have any… ok…

I’M GAY.

man, i did something really bad the other day.

Part I

So how much have you won and how much have you lost so far tonight.

I’ve lost two bucks.

Have you ever won anything else aside from $200 on the pokies?

[silence]

Ok I’ll answer that one. Yes he has. I know he has.

[wins credit on the pokies machine] Yeah! Fuck yeah. Oh. A thousand bucks at a poker game.

Were they decent players though?

Some of them were alright. Some were my mates. Nah they were pretty shit. I just fucking scared them. Scared the shit out of them. They had no fucking clue. [to machine] What? That was red you piece of shit.

[long pause]

Nup. I just lost fucking three bucks. I’m over this. I’ve got no luck tonight.

That’s good though. That’s good that you know when to stop.

I don’t have any more money either. I need money for beer.

You going to start asking for money now?

I’d rather be an alcoholic than be a fucking gambling addict. ‘Cause at least you’re getting drunk for your money.

[friend: It’s like people who smoke cigarettes and not weed. Weird.]

I smoke.

What about people who smoke both?

I smoke both.

[friend: Chocolate? I’m being generous]

He’s eaten half the fucking packet. He’s like a little German boy on Christmas morning. Easter Sunday. You fucking fatty.

How long have you been smoking?

Three years.

What do you smoke?

Right now I’m trying to quit, so I smoke Marlboro Silvers which are light as fuck.

Why are you trying to quit?

Because I just quit for three months and now I’m back on them.

[friend: You lasted three months?]

Three months off alcohol, bud and cigarettes.

[friend: Oh yeah, you said you were going to do that but you never actually did.]

I did do that. Fuck you if you didn’t believe me. I did it and I went through this spiritual stage.

Was this when you saw the ghost?

No! You’re fucking crazy. I said I saw the ghost when I was like, eight or nine.

I need you to tell the ghost story again

The ghost story’s gay. I walked into a house. I was with my cousin. I saw a family at different parts of the house. We walked out. And that was it.

Still. That’s pretty fucking freaky.

It was! But it was chilled. Like, the father kept saying weird shit. They were talking.

Were you high?

[friend: No. He was eight.]

No, I was just a bit drunk.

When you were eight

Well I was in Ireland man. Fuck. Give us a break. All my uncles own pubs. You’d know how it was if you were Irish.

Are leprechauns Irish?

Leprechauns are Irish.

[friend: Can you do the voice?]

[in leprechaun voice] Diddle-ee-dee, I’m Irish. Get out o’ me way! Where’s me pot o’ gold? Why’d you fuckin’ hate us you bastards? I’ll knock you with me stick! The fairies stole me girl. Over beyond the rainbow. Those fuckin’ fairies. I’m gonna fuckin’ murder ’em all. Hang ’em from the trees. Chop their children up in pieces.

What made you start smoking again though? Or was it just that the three months were up?

Um… I lost my spiritual high. I realised… Ok, the more you chase something the less you can achieve it. Like, at certain parts of your life you just have to accept what comes on. And like the Buddhists say, “Act like water and flow down the mountain, if there’s a rock in the way go around it.” I was just stuck in this mindset that was just complete bliss. And I couldn’t hold on to it. And I was just freaked out by it because I was scared of going back into a less conscious state. It sounds fucking weird. It sounds so weird. And I know that most people wouldn’t even be close to experiencing that. I mean, it’s fucking intense that I experienced it. It’s the most pure state. They call it enlightenment. A higher consciousness. All your senses are just enhanced.
I got into a fight, while I was going through this stage. And I was defending myself but I really fucked this dude up. He ran at me and I didn’t even know what was happening. I just threw him up against the wall. It was just instinct. And he just dropped to the floor and crumbled. But I didn’t even thing about doing it. It just happened.
And when I was talking to people, thoughts would just flourish in my head. I just saw through all this crap. I had epiphanies. Like Aristotle and Plato had, when they were in this enlightened state. Aristotle would sit outside a temple, all these people watching, caught in a pattern of thought for three days. He would just sit there. Just sit there and think.

Did you write anything down?

I wrote a lot down.

Does that take away from it?

No. Yes. It does. Because you can’t explain it. To put it into words cheapens it. You need to have about six different explanations for this to run simultaneously to get the idea. It’s intense.
I just felt like I was a beam. I wasn’t scared of death at all. It didn’t even come into my mind for a second. I was just so at peace with myself. And I’d get all this attention from people on the street… I’d just start conversations with them and they would tell me that I had such incredible presence as a person. And I’d really appreciate that they said that. It would just build me up more.

Do you feel like you’re different now because of it?

I just feel like I don’t care. I feel like I’ve had an ego death. I don’t find the need to sit here and be like “oh man, I did the coolest thing on the weekend. I’m just so cool.” I’m more interested in just listening and asking the right questions. And finding out more through my words rather than processing around my own fucking ego. Fuck that. I know myself inside and out. I don’t need to talk about myself anymore. It’s just sillyness.
But how I got there was just with fresh fruit and vegetables. Anything killed or anything grown. I was eating steak. I would have a glass of water half an hour before every time I ate. And then I would eat all the vegetables then all the meat. And it was just a perfect way of eating. Perfect balance. It gives you so much energy. Energy that you can put in to healing people. I don’t know how to do that yet. My mate does it. He’s over in the Philippines working with this big company, working as a therapist, actually more of a philosopher, to them. He’s going to bring be over so I can learn.

That’s really great. Did you have anyone help guide you to the state you were in then?

Yeah I did. This guy, Molar. But it was just a matter of coincidence. Like, what happened and who I met at the time.

So it wasn’t like you were trying to get there. It just sort of flowed.

Coincidence, man. Coincidence. I stopped smoking cigarettes and weed just before the HSC (final exams). And then I just kept stopping everything for about three months.

So you were doing it during HSC? Because of your HSC?

Yeah.

Do you think it helped you do better?

For sure. I did so well compared to what I thought I would get. For Art I got a 98.

What school do you go to again?

I go to the National Art School.

Did it go by your HSC result or was it portfolio based?

It was based on everything. You had to write an essay as well, write about your work and what interests you have.

So then everyone who goes there is on a really high level?

Yeah. Like, my best mate, he does pretty similar art to me, but I guess it’s just not as sharp… or he doesn’t have enough… or he doesn’t look experienced enough… there’s something, because he didn’t get in. And I think he’d be dope. He’d be fine going there.

Is it weird coming from high school where you’re top at art, then going somewhere that everyone was top at art?

Not really. I’m different to everyone else. The way I paint and the way I draw is completely different to everyone else. It’s very abstract, very expressive. And I’m happy with that. Everyone’s drawings are so different.

Well you seem like you’ve got a very definite style.

The way I paint and the way I use colour is very different. I just like colour. And I’m good with colour. But everyone else is good with something too. Like this girl in my class – amazing with water colours. They’re so real. She can paint absolutely anything. Perfectly. Or this guy, he does amazing perspective sketches. Spot on. He could just sit in this room and get it down. Everything correct. Scale, depth, everything. And then there’s a great photographer and a sculptor, so we’ve got a good mix of people. And obviously some people aren’t as strong as others. But they’re good enough to get in so what does it even matter?

That’s a good way to look at it.

Haha, and there’s so many girls in our class. We’ve got three guys. It’s so good.

You feel like you’re going to pick up?

Man, All I do is hang around with girls. Other than my two mates in the course. Then we hang out and there’s fifteen girls and three guys. Shit is bound to happen. Think about the odds.

Yeah, while we’re in the gambling room, let’s think about odds of this.

Yep.

Oh yeah man, you’re going to score.

Give it a week or two.

Part II

Yeah, so um, none of that recorded because this phone is a piece of shit. And out of memory. Do you mind if I interview you again? Or are you over it?

Ask me what?

So what do you do?

Ah fuck that.

Ok just tell me where you want to travel to.

I want to go to the Himalayas. I want to go live with the monks. All I’d need is paint and avocados. And I’d paint and meditate and follow the water.

And eat avocados.

And eat avocados.

Would you need anyone else in your life?

No.

Do you think you need people?

No.

Ever?

Ever?

Ever. Like, Ok so you could do that for a year, but there must be a limit. Do you think you could live your whole life in solitude?

Yeah. Sure. Why not. As long as I had everything I wanted.

Oil paints and avocados?

Hahaha.

Have you thought much about solitude before?

Not really. Like, yeah… but no. Think about it. It wouldn’t be that hard man. What do you want to do with your life?

What do you want to do with your life?

I want to eat avocados and paint every day. Nah, I’m doing carpet laying. Going to art school. Have a clothing brand. I already sell t-shirts.

And make a pretty sweet profit.

And make a pretty sweet profit.

What’s on the t-shirts?

Pictures of paint jobs that I’ve done. Characters… Sort of distorted… In spray paint.

I’m really excited to see them.

You will soon.

Fuck I just feel like such a douche asking you all these questions again. That stuff was so gold and I didn’t get any of it.

Why?

You seem much older than you are. You’ve already done so much.

Right. I like to rap too. And DJ.

DJing is something I don’t understand. Can you explain it to me? I just don’t really get what you do. I don’t mean to belittle you at all here…

Basically you mix different beats or you create your own. Like you can get computer programs where you pick every note out. Or you can mix together different parts of different songs…

Right. But that’s real DJing, not like what Lindsay Lohan would do and just pick out the songs for a club…

No. It’s not choosing songs, it’s mixing songs. And changing them, and adding different things to them, and distorting them, and spinning them, and figuring out peaks and lows. Just pretty much having harmony in a song.

[friend: It’s really interesting hearing you.]

What? I’ve talked all my shit to you before.

[friend: I feel so ordinary compared to you.]

We’ve been through totally different things though. What, when did I start going out? When I was twelve? Thirteen? I was on the street, drinking, doing this, smoking, doing that, trying drugs, meeting different people. I’ve been doing that so long. I know Sydney so well. I’ve been everywhere. That’s why I know so many people. I’m sick of it. I need to travel. I need to experience parts of the world that I’ve learnt about and come to admire and fucking cherish. Their teachings, their culture, their food…
I want to learn more. There’s so much gnarly shit out there. You’ve just got to give yourself time to experience it all.

Well what do you do every day?

What I did yesterday, I took the day off and just read this book. The whole book. The whole day. That’s all i did all day. Then half of another book. I just had to do it. I just had to take the day off and read this book. I got it the day before and was just like “Wow. Fuck it, I’m not going to school tomorrow.” Had a joint in the middle of it, then started drinking some wine… But it was a sick day. You wouldn’t think so, but it was fucking awesome.

“hmmm, i think there’s some form of me in there…”

Part I
(Portions unincluded due to technical failure.)

It’s Spanish. They contacted her because she is Spanish.

Oh, okay. But she’s based in London though?

Yeah. But they were looking for people, fine artists…

From Spain?

Yeah. In London.

Part II

So what do you do?

I study product design at Central Saint Martin’s.

And what’s your favourite part about your job?

Ooh…its probably uh finding small little problems in every day life and interviewing people. Noticing small things then solving the entire design upon it.

Do you find its easy to, you know when you get feedback from your client, do find its easy most of the time to incorporate that feedback or is there a bit of tension sometimes?

Well, the client normally has an idea of what fits into their company. So, and them sometimes their idea of their company is not your idea of their company, therefore sometimes it can be a little bit tricky. But normally you definitely take in what the clients say, but you still try to keep your initial creative ideas. I guess its kind of a match between the two.

I guess that’s kind of difficult. But with product design, what kind of products? Is it EVERYTHING or is there a particular niche product that you design for?

Well, basically, pretty much everything. I mean right now I’m designing a desk for [ ]. But I mean in the past I’ve designed candle holders, very simple. Plastic candle holders, actually. Mobile phones to waterbottles. Pretty much everything. And then obviously if you want to you can specialize.

What do you appreciate more, the visual aspects of an object or functionality?

Functionality.

Yeah?

Definitely. Definitely functionality. The product is sometimes [all about] the visual aspect of it, but I like more the functional aspect of it. And then I think that if an object is well designed to its function, normally it turns out BEAUTIFUL. Its difficult to explain but, I like when you can see how things are made. And how things are stuck together. So normally I try to avoid using very complicated processes. I try to do it very simple.

Yeah, I heard once that you know its a good design not when there is nothing more to add, but nothing further to take away. Do you agree with that?

I do. If you’ve got a good design you can just feel it there. You can’t do it any other way. You’re using just the right amount of materials. And, you know, exactly.

Shit my phone’s cut out… there’s only 3 minutes of recording time on this thing. Its really old.

I used to have one of those. They’re really well made.

Its pretty hardy. I drop it all the time, doesn’t break.

They don’t make things like that any more. Three months now, and you have to buy a new one. Because they don’t make things to last anymore. They build them because they know in three months you’re contract’s gonna give you a new one.

Its true. Everything is about consumerism.

Exactly.

If you could invent anything, what would you invent?

If I could invent anything, I would like actually to…hmmm, this is a little bit cheesy, but! I was talking about the whole RCA thing, what they have. I think they have three months where they go down and they do missions for people in African countries. They do specific research on how to…you know, life! Basic life needs. And then one of the things, I’m not sure if it was them, but one of the things a designer invented down there, cause they had, you know, a water shortages right? So he invented this play thing, for children! That they could run around, you know like a wheel that they push. And while they were playing on it, they were pushing it around, it was pumping water up. So it acted as a well!

Oh wow!

Yeah exactly, you know. They were having problems transporting water from the lake up to another part so what they did is this design. That would be nice to invent. Because, everybody….of course it would be nice to invent a nice lamp or a nice table, but I’d like to make something that makes a real difference in the world.

And if you could use one word to describe what you feel is the best aspect of design in general, what would you use?

Er, one word…I think just maybe two words: enhancing life-quality, maybe?

Nice.

Not just for third world countries but just in general.

Last question, if you could be a colour what would you be?

Uh….If I could be a colour what colour would I be? Man, I don’t know.

First colour that came to mind.

White. I don’t know why white. Maybe its because I’m surrounded by white things.

Well you know white is actually every colour all together on the prism. So…

Oh yeah, right.